Wish I Could Be 🧜🏾‍♀️✨

You know I've never thought more about my life until I turned 24, and even more when I turned 25. I mean, of course, I've thought about my life plenty of times, but never with this much awareness and depth. Before I go further, the boiling point I had mentioned in my previous post was about a job position I applied for as an event assistant and I was very interested in this position. As I had mentioned, I felt this position was going to be the start of a new chapter in my life; one that felt stable, grounded, and secure in not only finances but in community in a way. I thought this position would be the answer to the prayers I made so I was very hopeful. Unfortunately, things didn't go as expected (much like life), and I wasn't chosen for the position. Not being chosen did make me feel a way. I had put a lot of hope in this one thing because truthfully it felt like my only shot. Anyways not getting the job made me think more about my life; Where the heck am I going & even more important, what the heck am I doing? I am a woman of many creative talents, writing being one of them, I just wish I could be a part of a world that made sense to me, that fit me. I know everything can't be perfect but why can't I have a world that's perfect for me? This life journey has been confusing, and I'm trying to navigate my way through it. I want to write, I want to help, I want to create, I want to explore, I want depth, I want to feel, I want to have fun, I want to bring fun, I want to be everything I can be, everything that makes me feel like this is me, & I need to my true colors shown as vibrant as can be. I think what hinders me sometimes is the fact I try to place myself in a box knowing that I can't be solely classified as one thing, at the same time, I don't want to burn myself out trying to be everything I am all at once. Maybe I should go back to college and try journalism or creative writing, I don't have an entire plan but I have to start somewhere. Anyways, only time will tell what I am to make out of myself, my mother wishes I could figure it out sooner but you just can't rush situations like this, know I will make something out of myself, we're just trying to lay the foundation down strong so when we build it doesn't fall. I trust it will all work out in my best favor.

XOXO

-Ifeoma 🤎